


head in the dust, feet in the fire

by absolutemperor4 (ShadoWolf55)



Series: soldier keep on marching on (the superhero series) [1]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: A little angst, Canon Universe, F/F, Feels, danbeau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 09:29:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18221312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadoWolf55/pseuds/absolutemperor4
Summary: "So your name is Vers, and you are from the Kree Star Force, which is an alien force that wants to destroy the Skrulls, which are green elves?""Yeah, something like that."---or rewriting certain scenes between Carol and Maria because it is definitely more than just friendship





	head in the dust, feet in the fire

**Author's Note:**

> Here to drop a fic before I disappear for the week.
> 
> I watched Captain Marvel recently and honestly, it's the gayest Marvel movie. You can't tell me Carol and Maria were just 'best friends' raising a daughter together. So, this is my contribution to the #danbeau fandom. Hope yall enjoy it.

Maybe it was the fact that Carol goddamn Danvers was standing right in front of her that she felt thrown back into time when life was much easier and everything didn't hurt. But it still hurt and Carol would never know how much time Maria spent sitting alone on the porch sobbing into her palm, trying her best not to alert her daughter. Carol would never know how many times Maria would see a blonde that looked like her and she would desperately wish that it was the military woman she loved. Carol would never know how much Maria loved her, Carol didn't know before, Carol wouldn't know after. Maria could never tell her, there had always been too much at stake.

"Carol?"

Her lips had quivered as the name spilled out from her lips. It had been a long time since she said that name. 6 years ago when the Commanding Officer called her and told her about the incident, Maria nearly threw herself if not for her daughter. She had quit the Air Force, retired to a small house in the woods where she wouldn't be constantly reminded of Carol. Carol. Carol. Carol. And yet, she never really moved on from loving her, neither did she move past the pain that plagued her every night. Monica had been there and very strong for the both of them. Carol and her had raised the little girl right. She was a tough soldier and one with a very good heart. Monica was there when the cried into her pillow at night, she was there when she visited Carol's grave every year. The grave with an empty coffin and a simple headstone that couldn't describe how amazing and inspiring Carol had been.

But now, Carol was alive and Maria forgot how to breathe. The blonde was in a green space suit, she had clearly cut her hair and a strange man stood behind her. She looked the same, maybe a little taller and a few scratches here and there. However, she knew that the Carol standing there wasn't the Carol she used to hang out with. Something was different about her. Monica had run towards her and embraced her, to which Carol simply stood awkwardly.

"I'm uh, not really who you think I am," she started, slowly releasing Monica and looked at Maria instead, "Can we talk inside?"

Maria nodded and led them both into the house. It was going to be a long day.

 

xxx

 

"So your name is Vers, and you are from the Kree Star Force, which is an alien force that wants to destroy the Skrulls, which are green elves?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"And she has powers, what were they called, photon blasters?" Fury added and Carol nodded, keeping her eyes trained on Maria. She could barely remember her life on C-53 but she knew Maria was important. She could feel it.

"I don't believe you, this, you can't be alive, they told me you died in the plane crash." Maria's hands were shaking as she held onto her cup of coffee tightly.

_Carol Danvers could not be alive and all of this was probably just a sick dream._

"It's true, and if I am Carol Danvers, then I am alive. Look," she motioned to the kettle sitting on the stove and placed her hand there. Her hand lit up and moments later, the kettle began whistling.

"Wow."

"She can do more than heat kettles but yeah, she's got powers."

Maria looked at her, hesitant and confused, maybe a little terrified, Carol wasn't the best at reading expressions. She knew Maria had been an integral part of her life here, and she wanted to know what they used to have. She wanted to know why Maria seemed so distant and uncertain.

"Fury, give us a moment."

The agent looked at her and pointed to himself, before walking out of the kitchen.

"Look, it's not that I don't believe you it's just, you're not... you're not my Carol."

"I know," Carol whispered, taking the seat opposite Maria, "There are huge gaps in my memory, they got wiped by someone. All I know is that you were pretty important, and that we had a thing 6 years ago. I want to get my memories back, all of them. I want to know who you are and what you were to me."

"I trust you."

There was silence for a moment as they stared into each other's eyes.

"Auntie Carol!" A young girl's voice and footsteps pounding down the stairs could be heard.

"We kept all of your old things and those that the Air Force sent over in a box. I even have your old jacket, it's got a little tomato stain and I'm not allowed to wear it anymore."

Monica removed the lid on the box and emptied it. There was picture after picture of her and Maria together, a lot from the Air Force and a number of the 3 of them celebrating festivals together. Carol picked up an image of them in front of a Christmas tree.

"That was during Christmas Eve, a year before the incident. You bought Monica a Nerf Gun and it was probably a terrible idea." Maria chuckled softly, placing a warm hand on Carol's arm. She was fully clothed but she could feel the heat from Maria's hand seeping through.

"Yeah," she replied. The images were bringing some memories back, bits and pieces and nothing that was major or important. Yet, those were the memories she knew she had treasured.

"The two of you might want to stay here, if you don't have anywhere to be. I'm pretty sure there is much more to this story, but we should talk tomorrow. It's getting dark and I have some leftovers for dinner." Carol nodded and looked at Fury expectantly, who sighed and agreed.

"I'll help." Fury followed Maria to the kitchen, leaving Monica and Carol with each other.

Carol continued looking at the images and a specific one caught her eye. Maria and her during their promotion ceremony. There was euphoria spread across their faces when they received their medals.

"That was before I was born. You were my Mom's best friend. She loved you, a lot. You always made her happy. When she found out you died, she always cried at night."

"I... I'm sorry," Carol hesitated.

"You used to call me Lieutenant Trouble, we would always go on adventures together and Mom would be mad when we came back all dirty and covered in scratches. We used to give her a lot of problems, like, a lot. She grounded me once because you took me motorbiking."

Carol laughed, she had seen fragments of that memory before, random snippets of a young girl and her on one of her motorbikes. Everything was still foggy, but she was really trying to find her past. Her mission had been to find the doctor before the Skrulls, and it still was, but Carol also wanted to know who she truly was and what life she had had on this planet before she was taken to space.

More importantly, who were the ones who wiped her memories and stole her from her people?

"Is it working?"

"Huh?" Carol looked down and saw Monica staring at her.

"Did I help you remember something?"

"Yeah," Carol let her voice trail off, "Something like that..." She was focusing her attention on Maria who was carrying a bowl of noodles in.

"Monica, would you put everything back in the box and leave it in my room? Carol can look at them later."

The young girl scrambled to keep everything and rushed up as Maria set the cooked food down.

"They're leftovers from yesterday, but they are still fresh. I made some of your favorite food, before you were you know, presumed dead."

Carol smiled at the gesture, placing a hand on Maria's shoulder to reassure her. "Thank you, Maria, for everything."

They looked into each others' eyes and Carol swore she felt Maria lean it. Her eyes flickered down to Maria's lips before she caught herself. Was this something new? Had she always been so... attracted to Maria? She knew one thing, she was never interested in men and none of them would probably like the idea that she would win a fight against them. Maria was the first to react, quickly moving backward as Fury walked in, looking at the two of them suspiciously.

"The food looks good, should we dig in?"

"Right, yep, thank you, for the food, by the way," Carol smiled and took the seat opposite Maria and beside Fury. Dinner was a little quiet and was occasionally interrupted by Monica's curious questions about space, to which Carol answered them as vividly as possible. At some point, Monica asked if she was something like Wonder Woman. Carol simply smiled, "Well, she is my idol. But she doesn't have these photon blasters and I'm probably way cooler." Fury had chuckled and Maria cracked up.

"Well, you definitely didn't lose your humor, that's for sure."

"That would certainly be devastating. Imagine a humorless me, oh would the world be dull and mundane!"

Dinner went by smoothly following that and it had jostled a few more memory fragments (as she liked to call them now) in Carol. She could feel Maria paying close attention throughout the meal, not that she minded, she just felt as if there was something Maria was not telling about her. Carol had volunteered to wash the dishes but Maria silenced her, asking her daughter to help her while Carol and Fury cleaned the table.

"How long do you plan on staying here?" Fury broke the silence and Carol hesitated. She liked it here, it made her feel like home, it made her feel things she never felt while on Hala. And then there was Maria.

"A short while. We still have to talk to her about the doctor and the energy core."

"Are you sure it's not because you have some history with Ms Rambeau?"

Carol ignored his question even though her head was swarming with ideas and reasons. Maria couldn't be the reason she didn't feel like leaving, could she? She barely knew the woman, well they were close best friends but that was 6 years ago. A lot has changed in 6 years. Carol knew Fury had caught a glimpse of the moment they shared before dinner, she knew something was there but she didn't know what. Or maybe she knew and was scared of what it was.

"Not everything is an 80s Rom-Com," Carol grumbled just as Maria walked in.

"I'm gonna put Monica to bed soon. Fury you can take the guest room and Carol, you can share with me. Just like old times," She ended with a wink before her daughter pulled her upstairs.

"Nothing, huh?" Fury commented and Carol aimed her fist at him, her hand heating up. He raised his hands up quickly and slipped upstairs, leaving Carol alone in the dining hall. She grabbed her old jacket Monica had passed to her and left the house, sitting at the porch and leaning back to watch the skies. She was trying to piece together everything, the Air Force, Doctor Lawson, the Skrulls attack, whatever Yon-Rogg had said about not letting emotions get to her, and most importantly, Maria and Monica. They were their family, that she knew, they were everything to her, they still probably are but Carol wanted answers. Answers that can tell her why someone would erase her memories of C-53, answers that can tell her why Doctor Lawson is who the Supreme Intelligence appeared to her as, answers that can tell her what Maria Rambeau truly was to her.

"I can hear you thinking from here," the familiar voice that she heard in a couple flashbacks pierced the silence, "You were never much of a thinker, so it must be something important." Maria took a seat beside her and grabbed Carol's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze."Whatever this is, you'll figure it out. I know you, always the toughest and most resilient one. You used to defeat all those men out there effortlessly, pretty much everyone feared you. And I'll be there by your side, every step the way, as I promised."

"You promised?"

"Summer of 1986, 3 years before the crash. You were pretty banged up after one of the test runs and they had to rush you to the hospital. I was pretty worried, well I wasn't worried that you would die, you have proven that you are too stubborn to die. I was more worried that you wouldn't be able to return to flying. You did lose hope and physical therapy was a complete nightmare. After the first few sessions, you were pretty damn close to quitting and that's when I promised that I would always be there to support you, I would never abandon you and I will help you get back in shape. And you did, 7 months and you were back in the skies. It was almost as if that accident never happened."

They let the silence envelop them, with only the soft rustling of the leaves to be heard. in the distance. Carol looked at her and placed her hand on Maria's thigh.

"I want to know, more about you. What relationship did we have?"

"Us, huh?" Maria sighed and laid down, letting Carol's hand rest on her leg. It was oddly comforting and yet made her feel all kind of things. "We met when I first started working for the Air Force. I was a pilot, you were a pilot, we were both women and we just clicked. You were always the reckless, funny one and I was the one that made sure you wouldn't do something dangerous and explode yourself. We instantly became best friends, always hanging out at the bar together. You have a pretty damn good voice when you sing and sometimes, you would just arm wrestle all the men in there and win every single match. Monica came and even through that, you never abandoned me, you helped me raise her, you are practically her other mother. That one night stand was a mistake, but Monica wasn't. You raised her right. She is pretty much half of you, tough, brave, a little too stubborn sometimes. The two of you were my world, you were my absolute best friend.

Part of me still regrets letting you go on that mission that took you away from me. It's hard... thinking about it. The Force wouldn't tell me anything, no one in PEGASUS would let me know if you were still alive. They just gave me half of your dog tag which they found at the crash site." Maria reached into her pocket and pulled it out. "I've always kept it with me, ever since. It gives me hope that maybe you were still alive and maybe one day, you will return."

"And here I am now," Carol wrapped her hands around Maria, pulling her into a hug.

"I know it has been hard for you and I'm sorry. I wish I remembered more, I wish I could have been by your side these past 6 years, forgive me..."

They stayed in that position for a while before the temperature outside started getting a little too cold for them.

"Bed?" Carol suggested.

"Yeah."

 

xxx

 

Having Carol back in her arms was the most wholesome feeling she ever felt. The two of them close together, chest to chest, hip to hip, arms wrapped around each other, she felt safe, comfortable and reassured. She never wanted this moment to end. But Maria knew there will come a time where Carol would have to leave again, and she might possibly never return. She knew tonight might only be a one-time thing and she didn't want to risk involving feelings in it.

Her bed was big enough to fit the both of them, it always had been and even if Carol had definitely grown, they could still cuddle close to each other. Carol was taller but Maria was always the taller one. Her front was pressed against Carol's back and her arm lazily slung over the blonde. Carol had suddenly shifted to face her, her blonde hair sprayed back messily, wearing Maria's old Air Force shirt that was slightly too big for her.

"Were we ever in love? Girlfriends? Fiancés? Wives?"

Maria had frozen at that question but she quickly recovered and gave the standard reply.

"Nope, but you did have a couple girlfriends. So did I."

Carol quirked her eyebrow at that reply, before mumbling a 'goodnight' and turning back, falling asleep almost immediately. Maria laid back and tried to ease the tension in her shoulders, enjoying the sense of peace and security. She should tell Carol how she felt, 6 years had passed and her feelings never subsidized. Carol was the one, the one she wanted to enjoy the rest of her life with, the one she wanted to spend every waking moment with. That thing in the dining hall, it wasn't one-sided, was it? Carol did lean in, didn't she? And for Carol to ask such a question, she did have feelings, right?

Or maybe she was just messing with her own head and Carol simply wanted to know the nature of their friendship. Yep. With that thought, she fell into a deep sleep. For the first time in the past 6 years, she had the most peaceful sleep and the nightmares didn't plague her anymore.

 

xxx

 

Carol woke up to a shrill scream and an empty bed. At some point in time, Maria must have left because her side was empty even though it was still one. She shot up to her feet and raced down the stairs, running into Fury on the way down.

"The Scream?"

"Yeah," Carol could feel herself start to panic. What if something had happened when she was gone?

"I'll check outside, you check downstairs."

Carol nodded and rushed through the living room, before she came face to face with a Skrull in the kitchen, Maria standing in front of him, pointing a gun at his head.

"Maria!" She yelled and quickly pushed the woman behind her. "Where's Monica?"

"She's still asleep," Maria let go of the gun and stuffed it into the waistband of her pants, just as she heard her daughter walk down, another Skrull following behind her closely.

"Monica!" The two of them yelled and Carol stared fiercely into the eyes of the Skrull that was closest to her.

"Tell your guy to stay away from them or I will blast your head off."

Both Skrulls raised their hands up and the one behind Monica slowly backed away.

"I'm not here to hurt you or your lady lover."

Carol snarled and he quickly backtracked. Fury came bursting in and quickly pointed his gun at the Skrulls when he noticed them.

She turned her attention to the agent. "Take Monica upstairs, we'll be fine."

Fury looked like he wanted to protest but he didn't question her instructions.

"Who are you and how did you find me?"

"My name is Talos, and that is my science guy. We tracked you down and believe me, we do not want to harm you even though your fellow warrior-heroes from the Starforce has been hurting us and destroying our families. We just want, the coordinates of Doctor Lawson's lab."

"And what makes you think I know them?"

"You were on the crash site, she must have told you something."

"Well, I don't remember it because you wiped out my memories of my life here!"

"Us?" Talos pointed at himself in disbelief, "We didn't even touch you when you were there on the site! Your leader, he was the one who wiped your memories. The people you trusted the most turned you into this. The Skrulls did nothing, in fact, we want to help you get your memories back. The Kree took you from C-53 and removed your memories, because you were their weapon."

"I was... their weapon?"

"Carol," Maria softly whispered and ran her hand up and down her arm.

"If you would just agree to work with us for now, I can possibly help you get your memories back. I managed to uncover a recording of the moments before your plane crashed. If you could just help us decode and find the coordinates..."

That was when Maria jumped in. "The black box? But they said no one uncovered it."

"I have uh... the talents of going into places I shouldn't be in. I have the recording with me."

"Play it," Carol instructed and Talos nodded.

They walked to the back shed and Maria pushed open the door when something jumped at her. Something orange and furry leaped into her arms, meowing quietly. Talos quickly backed away and Carol tilted her head, observing him in amusement.

"You're terrified... of a cat?" She couldn't help but bark in laughter and he scowled.

"That's not a cat, it's a Flerken! They are dangerous."

Carol shrugged, Goose was anything but dangerous, but at least she knows had something to keep Talos in line. Fury joined them in the shed and she had given him a quick rundown while Maria worked the computer. It took forever to upload, which was very anti-climatic given how thick the tension in the room was.

"It'll be okay," Maria breathed just as the sound system cranked to life.

 

xxx

 

She stumbled out of the house, into the green field, Maria and Talos following before her. That very day was coming back to her, along with pieces of memories here and there and suddenly, everything became clear to her.

"Yon-Rogg killed Mar-Vell. He killed her because she found out that she was on the wrong side of an unjust war. We are not terrorists, we do not kill innocents. I know you saw the ruins on Torfa, those are ruins the Accusers are responsible for. You see Carol, my people were refugees there, homeless, because they were resisting the Kree rule. Help me finish what Mar-Vell started. The coordinates you found can power a light-speed ship that will carry us to safety. Somewhere safe, a new home, where we will never be harassed by the Kree again. Doctor Lawson would want you to help us find the core, the core that can power the light-speed ship."

"Well, I already destroyed it."

"No," Talos reached out, "You merely destroyed the engine. The core is on a remote location. You need to decode the coordinates, and we will be able to find it."

"Then you'll just use it destroy us! I can't let you do that. I have to let Yon-Rogg know."

Talos rubbed his forehead exasperatedly, "Don't you get it? Yon-Rogg was the one that took your memories! The Kree erased your memories of C-53!"

Silence fell onto the three of them. Maria looked at her, mouth agape and in shock. Carol nearly collapsed to the ground, her knees were weak and everything was not making sense.

"Yon-Rogg... did what?" Her voice was shaky and she was feeling lightheaded. The people she trusted the most did what to her?

"You shot at the engine and absorbed every last bit of the energy in the engine. _You_ have all its power, _you_ are the weapon they need, _you_ were their last hope. They took you, erased your memories so that you would never know where you were truly from. The Kree are the true villains in this story. Us? We just want a home. You and I lost everything at the hands of the Kree. So help me, please."

"I can't, I'm not..."

"You're not one of them, you can help us."

"You don't know me!" Carol roared, pushing Talos aside, " _You_ have no idea who I am. _You_ have no idea what I'm capable of. _I_ don't even know who I am!"

"You are Carol Danvers." Carol looked up and saw Maria in her view, her fingers wiping away the tears near her eyes. "You are the woman on that black box risking her life to do the right thing. My best friend, who supported me as a mother, and a pilot when no one else did. You’re smart, and funny, and a huge pain in the ass. And you are the most powerful person I know. Way before you could shoot fire from this. Do you hear me? You, are extraordinary."

Maria pulled her in an embrace and they lingered in that state for a while, hands clutching desperately at each other's clothes, face buried in each other's scent, soft, warm fingers rubbing up and down her back.

"Thank you," Carol whispered.

Maria smiled and placed a small kiss on her cheek. That was the most she could ever do even though her mind was screaming at her to just kiss Carol already. But she could wait, she could wait until all this is over and Carol is back for good. And maybe then, she will tell Carol how she felt all these years.

 

xxx

 

The Kree had found them and they were possibly screwed.

That was the first thought that came into Maria's mind when she saw the warriors in green space suit firing at them. Carol had pushed everyone behind her, grabbing the box with the energy core and blasting at the people she used to call home. At that very moment, Maria just wanted to pull her into a deep kiss, fearful of losing Carol again in this mess.

"Go, I'll hold them off," Carol blasted at another Starforce member, motioning for Maria and Fury to take the Skrulls and find a way out. Fury grabbed her arm and started to lead the Skrulls to another exit when Maria made a decision.

"No Carol!" Maria reached out to pull Carol back as they gazed into each other's eyes. Carol was on literal fire and Maria was focused yet desperate.

"I love you," she whispered and Carol smiled. She leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Maria's lips, leaving them both delirious and wanting more.

"I love you too. Go, I'll be back."

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry i had to slip that line in :"
> 
> as usual, send me prompts on tumblr [@absolutemperor](https://absolutemperor.tumblr.com) and on twitter [@absolutemperor4](https://twitter.com/absoultemperor4)


End file.
